Stuck Waiting

As hard as it is to anticipate a job interview, in some ways the days after are just as hard.  Did I prepare enough?  Did I say the right thing?  What now?

I had a very promising second interview on Tuesday for a job that looks quite good.  But, of course, it’s hard to tell in an interview what the job will really be like and what your colleagues will be like.

And so I’ve been sitting waiting for the phone to ring.  When it did, I got a surprise – an interview at another school.  Evidently the show must go on!

Stay tuned for the stunning conclusion of my job hunt!

The First Casualty

Last year when I was blasting through books at a great speed, I tended to finish a book whether or not I was enjoying it.  The point was being able to finish books.  By the end of the year I was pretty tired of this and vowed that when the new year dawned, I would put down books if I wasn’t enjoying them.

I didn’t think On Canaan’s Side by Sebastian Barry would be the first casualty of this.  After all, it was nominated for prizes.  Sebastian Barry is supposed to be a great writer.  However, after three days of picking up the book without being able to remember the main character, the plot or what was happening in the last section I read, I got tired of forcing myself to read just a little more.  I was not enjoying the book and it didn’t seem to be improving.

This is not to say On Canaan’s Side is a bad book.  I just didn’t take to it and didn’t fancy forcing myself through a couple of pages a night for the foreseeable future to finish it.  I gave up after 40 pages, which should give a pretty good idea if I would enjoy it.

I’m sure there will be more books tossed aside during the year.  I’m also having trouble with my current non-fiction read.  Even good books don’t always appeal to everyone!

Black Water by Joyce Carol Oates

In Black Water, Joyce Carol Oates plumbs the literal and figurative depths of death and suffering.  This is a technically brilliant novel.  Who else could lay out in stark bareness the whole plot of the book on the first page and then page by page, chapter by chapter, build up the meat of the book around these initial naked facts?

When I began reading I wondered if I had somehow started wrong.  Such a startling blow to have all the horror of the book explode on the first page.  And then to turn the page and re-read the same horror with a few more details added in.  And then each subsequent chapter with its own unfolding of the same horror.  To finally finish Part One and hope that somehow Part Two would go in a different direction, only to find that it only went deeper into the suffering of Kelly, the main character.  As Kelly goes through hallucinations on her way to death, you start to wonder which parts of the book are true, and which are her imagination playing tricks on you.

The basic plot of the book is uniquely un-unique in itself.  Pulled from the history books and much wondered events of the past, the plot mimic the facts known and details speculated from Senator Edward Kennedy’s accident on Chappaquiddick Island.  In the book the character is just called The Senator, but the details are unmistakable.

Black Water isn’t the kind of book that you enjoy.  The reader is worn down by the details of the suffering and in knowing that there is no hope of a different ending than the obvious.  However, Oates’ writing will keep you reading through the whole book.  It is paced beautifully and the prose is outstanding, even if the subject is difficult.

This is the first of Oates’ books that I have read and I’m looking forward to reading more.

Morning Prayer

Before me in the planned shape of this day

I look for unexpected surgings of new life.

Around me in the people whom I know and love

I look for unopened gifts of promise.

Within me in the familiar sanctuary of my own soul

I look for shinings of the everlasting light.

Before me, around me, within me

I look for your life-giving mystery, O God,

before me, around me, within me.

~ Sounds of the Eternal: A Celtic Psalter

J. Philp Newell

US vs. UK – Culture Clash

The other day Mark Driscoll said some controversial things (though, to be fair, that’s a little like saying ‘yesterday Mark Driscoll got up and ate breakfast’).  As usual, they made me mad.  However, I didn’t really want to give him any more attention by writing about him.

Today I was catching up on some blog reading and Tall Skinny Kiwi did a great job of talking about the situation.  The US and UK churches are very different (in many of the same ways that the cultures of the two countries are different).

While many American church leaders see thousands of church attenders as the sign of success, some British say 40 is the highest number of church attenders that will still allow an acceptable working dynamic of interaction and intimacy with each other. Any more than 40, and people slip through the cracks or become mere spectators.

This is just one of the cultural differences that he fingers, but this specifically caught my attention because it’s one of the things that I’m struggling with in my US church right now.  I’ve gone from a Fresh Expressions environment to a fairly typical suburban church with the usual emphasis on pumping up the numbers.  And I feel like I’ve fallen through the cracks.  Not in my small group, of course.  In my small group there are a handful of people who notice what’s going on in my life and know some of my struggles.  But on a Sunday morning I feel no more connected than I do sitting in a movie theater.

For an American pastor to take a pot shot at the Church in another country because he feels it doesn’t live up to his country’s values (having nothing to do with Biblical values) rings false.  And dangerous.

Photo Friday: Relaxing View

This is the ‘Back Harbour’ in Chester, NS.  Beautiful!

Silver Girl by Elin Hilderbrand

The perfect anecdote to the black cloud of Sarah’s Key was Silver Girl, by Elin Hilderbrand.  Set on Nantucket, it’s the story of two friends.  One is widowed and struggling to escape her grief.  The other is the wife of a recently exposed head of a Ponzi scheme who has stolen billions of dollars, been sentenced to 150 years in prison and is generally hated by everyone.

I’m not sure if Hilderbrand could have written the book without the assistance of all of the Madoff headlines.  Did the wife know what was going on?  If not, why not?  If she suspected, why didn’t she follow up on her suspicions?

Despite the reader’s predisposition to hate her, the Meredith character is surprisingly likeable and easy to empathize with.  Connie (the widow character) is also likeable, if slightly one dimensional.

You certainly won’t strain any mental muscles reading this book, but it’s good at what it promises – offering a light, uplifting beach novel.  I enjoyed it, as I have several other of Hilderbrand’s novels.

Next?  Back to the stack of heavy books.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Sometimes anticipation can be a dangerous thing.  Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy opened in September in the UK and I was sad to leave the country just two weeks before the premier.  It got solidly good reviews.  Alas, it wasn’t to open in the US until December.

December came and it opened in a handful of theaters somewhere in the US and got very good reviews.  But there was no sign of it anywhere in my area.

Last Friday I was flipping through the local paper and there was a review and beside it an ad for its opening at the local art theater.  My brain began buzzing with possible plans to see it.  Those plans required working around lots of other plans and finding a time when I could borrow a car.

On Monday I finally did it.  I hopped in the car and headed across town.  Even in line for my ticket I somehow believed that they would sell out and I would be disappointed.

With my ticket firmly in hand I went to the concession area and bought a cup of tea – after all, this is a British movie – and went to find my seat in the theater.

I wasn’t disappointed in this movie.  It was well made.  Every shot had a purpose.  Every turn of the head had meaning.

It is most definitely a British film and you’ll be disappointed if you’re looking for an American spy thriller.  There are no car chases.  Nothing blowing up.  A few shots fires, but not many.  There is still plenty of violence, but it’s of a very different sort.

Gary Oldman is spectacular as the lead character, Smiley.  He is quiet and self-contained, never giving away the thoughts in his head.  The rest of the stellar British cast live up to that, giving their characters subtle life.

The cinematography and costuming/set decoration for the film are also outstanding.  You were pulled into this underground 1970s world.  Britain not yet fully emerged from the post-War era.  Still under a layer of fog, so to speak.

The settings were fascinating to me.  Around each corner seemed to be a building I recognized.  Each shot seemed to contain some very London-specific item.  I was homesick just watching.

I would love to say this was the best film of the year, but since in the past year I’ve seen only The Help and this movie, I’m not very qualified to comment.

If you love spy films, see this film for a more subtle approach.  If you love thrillers, watch this for a solid story that will leave you guessing (unless you’ve read the book).  If you love films set in London, you won’t be disappointed.

I’ll be watching it again, if only to be able to IMDB all the actors as they come on.  It seems at times like the entirety of the British acting scene is in the movie somewhere.

Sarah’s Key

When I decided at the beginning of this year to read books of substance I didn’t realize one of the side effects was going to be such a cloud of sadness.  Are all ‘books of substance’ full of suffering?  Can’t books of substance be written about happy topics?

My fifth book o the year was Sarah’s Key by Tatiana de Rosnay.  I’m a little late to this bandwagon, as it’s been on the bestseller list forever and has already been made into a movie.  Can the book live up to the hype?  Yes.

Sarah’s Key is exceptionally well written and heart wrenching.  The portions narrated by the ten year old Sirka/Sarah chronicling the Vel’ d’Hiv’ round up of Parisian Jews and their subsequent treatment and shipment to death camps were particularly moving.  No one should know the pain and horror of the Holocaust, but to see it through the eyes of a child is horrible.

The life of Julia, the modern day character is less interesting, though still interesting.  Because of the movie posters, I couldn’t get the image of Kirsten Scott Thomas out of my head while I was reading.

I would recommend this book, but take care to keep tissues close at hand.  I also had trouble sleeping at different points of the book, as it was so disturbing.

Next stop on the book tour?  Something lighter!

Surrounded and Alone

I am currently in the exactly same spot as many Americans.  Despite a fairly impressive resume full of experience, I languish among the ranks of the unemployed.  I am in the same spot as so many others, and yet it is a very lonely spot.

Every day I get up and go through the job ads for the day, doing research on organizations and following up on leads I have.  Every day I carefully craft resumes and cover letters specifically for jobs that look like a good fit.  Every day I pray that today may be the day that the phone rings.

There are many many people who are being very supportive of me.  I have family and friends who have been very generous in helping me get by financially and in keeping my spirits up.  I appreciate each and every one of them.

However, as the weeks go by and the phone call doesn’t come there is this crushing weight of rejection.  How could I have been wrong about those jobs that seemed so perfect?  I want to share with my friends the interesting opportunities that are out there and my hopes and dreams for a new job, but I can hardy bear it when they (very kindly) follow up weeks later wanting to know what happened.  Because, chances are, nothing will happen.  There will be silence.

When you’re used to working, creating some sort of a product, you are used to getting feedback on things.  You write a report and your boss loves it or hates it.  Imagine a job where you constantly received assignments that go off into the void with no response.  Now imagine that the job doesn’t pay.  Now imagine that the people around you are all handing in assignments, receiving feedback and getting on with their lives, while you wait to here something, anything.

I’m far from the first person to suffer through this.  I know I am very blessed to have a roof over my head and that some day I will be jealous of all the free time I had during this time.  I will yearn for the time when I could finish a novel in a few days, write blog posts, play with the kids and sit endlessly in coffee shops.

I hope that this time will make me more compassionate the next time I’m doing the hiring!

In the meantime I continue to pray.  I write down my blessings to remind myself.  I pick up the book I’ve always wanted to read.  I try to anticipate a future life and figure out how to live it well.  I try not to waste the gift that today is and not to take rejection as a personal blow.