For those who know me or have been reading my blog for quite a while, you know that this past year has been tough. Lots of disillusion and anger, much of which I wasn’t excited about acknowledging. I retreated into myself, like a good little introvert. I got the feelings out through some writing and through conversations with good friends.
Eventually it felt like I had moved on. I got a new job and a new home. I began to put down roots at work and in my community. I rediscovered some of my strengths and enjoyed doing a job that I felt was meaningful. I started to feel joy again.
And yet, there was still a hurt underneath. I was thriving and yet I was waiting for the axe to fall. I couldn’t fully enjoy how great life was because I kept expecting it to disappear. Every meeting with my boss was the one where he would fire me. Disagreements with my landlady made me anticipate being asked to leave.
None of that happened. Things aren’t perfect at work, but we’re figuring things out. I’m building friendships with people that are strong. Sometimes it shocks me that it’s still possible. At home there’s a growing trust within the little community in my building and I’m getting to know my broader community. Slowly, the longer process of healing is starting to happen.
Tonight I was on Twitter and something came up from Rob Bell. Now, I really enjoy Bell’s work. Whether or not I agree with him, his perspective always challenges me and forces me to grapple with things, which is the sign of a great teacher. When I saw the announcement of a new video I didn’t hesitate – I hit play.
I should probably think a little harder before I do things like that because once again he’s challenged me as to why I’m still playing spectator. I’m still hedging my bets on the sidelines and I’m missing out on the good stuff.
There is a quick promo of his books at the end, but focus on what he’s saying. Maybe you need a little dose of wonder too.